Sometimes when couples are exploring intimacy, unexpected "negative" emotions like rage, pain, fear, sorrow, disgust and hatred can come up.
Within the loving space of a growing relationship, these these feelings are almost always caused by past traumas or pains that have been suppressed and stored in the vagina, hips and breast areas. This happens in other spaces of the body too, but since we're talking about sexuality, we'll deal with those space.
One of the most beautiful gifts you can give each other is the act of yoni massage. This is a massage technique that involves doing active release of the internal structure of the vagina, to release old emotions and energy stuck in the vagina, and create space for more intimacy, pleasure and connection. This can also be done as a solo practice using a gspot toy
Before you start, make sure you have set aside at least 10 minutes to offer this form of connection, and make sure you are clear that this is not a sexual space that is about "turning on" or creating pleasure, although that may happen within the space. This is a gift you offer, in presence, for the sake of the gift. Begin by cupping her yoni with the palm of your hand, simply resting it against her (I like to call this a yoni hug), and sending love to her through your hand.
Check that she is ready to start, and then with lubricated fingers (or a really happy wet yoni) let her know what you will be doing, and ask for permission to enter her. Once you have that slide your fingers inside, with the pads of your fingers facing up towards her belly/Gspot. Your fingers can enter up to the 2nd knuckle, or to her comfort.
This position is called 12, like on the face of a clock. (see the picture attached) You will repeat the process below with your focus of your fingers on each of the "numbers" on a clock.
To begin, feel around with your fingers, and press into the walls of the vagina.
Ask her "Does this feel pleasure, numb or pain?"
Wait for her reply. There is no right answer, simply the first response that comes to her is her truth.
If the answer is pleasure, you can play around with that spot for a few moments.
If the answer is numb or pain, begin the active release process.
Active Release Process
Ask her to "give this spot a word"
She replies with whatever word comes to her first.
Have her inhale as deeply as she can and hold her breath, while you press firmly into the numb/painful spot.
She then holds the breath for a minimum count of 3, or as long as she possibly can.
When she is ready to release, she will tap your arm 3 times, on the third tap, she exhales sharply with a loud sound. Simultaneously you release the pressure on that spot of her yoni. Don't remove your fingers, just release the pressure from that spot.
Say "thank you" to her for her gift of sound.
Check back in with that spot, see how it feels different, it should be softer, more supple, or you may be able to feel the heart beat more present there. If it is still numb/painful, you can repeat the process.
When she is ready, rotate your hand to the 1pm position, and repeat the process, until you have circled around the walls of her entire yoni.
When you are complete, place your hand over her yoni again in a Yoni Hug, and then give her a hug/kiss to let her know you're grateful for her open-ness and happy in the space of giving this to her.
From here you can move into whatever sexual activity you may desire, or whatever you feel drawn to do together.